work was great. didnt knew that i would meet a stupid buddy at work doing stupid things together. its like helping to buy food and paying money via mail to each other. well i think its damn cool. its like " OMG i've got mail in office!" . i think my colleagues were feeling weird that i receive mail. haha oh well..

although work was great but something just have to pull the happiness down. smses from him stopped since this week. it gives me the feeling that he is trying to just let it go already. all this time i still thought he might still want to be friends with me at least..
that day i was watching this drama episode that i don know what it is but just so happened that the guy quarrelled with his insensible gf and broke up in a huff. he went to look for a friend and the friend told him to call his gf. he refused but the friend said.. " if u still love her then call her to say u are sorry even if you two broke up. all that was just anger words".
haha. i wished that 'friend' was in my life too...

i was sitting on the mrt and i started thinking, how is it possible for people to do overtime after work and be in office very early in the following morning. hmm apparently my colleagues are superb workers. i have got cute colleagues[i must admit haha] and 'kan chiong spiders' too.. seriously kind of irritating but still managable.

i initiated to text him however i know i cannot hope for too much. perhapes im still not use to the silence of my phone that i started smsing him to talk. but thinking again, there is this longing for hope again. my decision was not what it seems to be, but then it proves another fact and this fact is so heart aching. no doubt that i still think of him. i feel so distanced from him.. like every of his activity is a surprise and shock to me. and i don feel good to be in the dark but what rights do i have..

its a very difficult day to use my brain..

sulking on your own doesnt help. you cannot just leave it as it is and let one party decide everthing. what happen to your own decisions, the things that you want. doesnt mean one party says leave and you have to, please fight for it, its not a one-sided thing here........

perhaps you don even want to save it..

argh.. and i am here waiting stupidly. like im a desperate crazy woman who just want the guy to realise im still human that still wavers..

why why WHY!! such obvious hints and you don see it~~!!~!$#%#$$#F^*&^$%$#
im losing my patience.. losing my mind. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

save me......................................

first day of work wasnt as bad as i though it would be except jst abit tired. the jitters last night was needless but i think its ok since sharon they all were also nervous the night before. the environment is good and i think i can survive 24 weeks there. the people there are very nice. its great. work would most probably be the main thing thats happening right now i guess, physically i mean.

emotional answers can be found if you still remember where to find it.

clubbing was fun except for some stuff but forget it i don freaking care. family picnic was good too except for the bloody nausea and diarrhoea and headache and joint pains the night before. other than that i survived..

mistakes done that cannot be amended. expectations leads to heavy disappointments.. im am tired... very tired... i just want to be alone.. i want to run...
why am i feeling that we would be better if we remain friends.. am i your girlfriend.. how come i cant fucking feel it. damn...

i hate myself for not honouring my words to wei wei...
all of a suddenly i found the truth for all the damn friendship problems i faced in school.. it all turns out that i have been unhappy with the wrong person. i guess there should be nobody's fault. and the damn friendship problem i faced at work, it makes me wonder am i the rotten one..

what was the pain i felt when i had wanted to leave u...
failed...

well it all got better...

i need a space to voice it out..................